You’ve been thrown under the bus. Now what?

One minute you’re sitting in a meeting room getting ready to impress and the next you’re face to face with a speeding bus. If you’ve been employed anywhere for any length of time, you’ve likely been thrown under the bus. Maybe you’ve even been a thrower instead of a throwee, in which case, please go to your room, reflect on your actions and learn about the transformative power of taking responsibility for your actions.  

I have been thrown under the bus four times. Scratch that. I’ve been thrown under the bus four times that I know of. After a few decades of office work, I’m sure I’ve been tossed under all manner of public transport without ever knowing about it.

While no one is actually being shoved under the wheels of a large, oncoming vehicle in the break room, the violent imagery suggests a tactic you reserve for someone you really dislike, such as a frenemy colleague who is up for a promotion you want for yourself, a neighbour you want to drive out of town or an ambitious upstart who threatens to knock you off your pedestal. According to Mirriam Webster, to throw someone under the bus means “to criticize, blame or punish someone in order to avoid blame or gain an advantage” and this is technically true but I don’t think this definition accurately captures the shock and aftermath felt by the hapless victim whose back is lined with tire tracks.

The first time I became the designated scapegoat, I was the junior consultant on a particularly challenging file – helping an American private postsecondary institution establish a foothold in Canada, a country that does not embrace the concept of private postsecondary education. The project was doomed from the jump and after several months of mediocre results, our agency was fired from the business. The next day, a US PR colleague informed me that the project lead (an agency founder) had publicly blamed mefor the failure, even though I was the lowest person on the four-person project team.

Getting thrown under the bus can feel like swimming with sharks…

If this scenario had played out on a young adult drama in the 2020s, I would have marched into his office with my head held high, loudly told him I wasn’t going to stand for it and high-fived my cheering co-workers on my way out the door. But it was pre-internet early 90s and the agency environment was no place for a Gen-Xer to speak up so I did what anyone would do in that time and place. I choked back tears, faked a stomach ache, ordered a pepperoni pizza and polished off a bottle of chardonnay in bed.

When you’re thrown under the bus, you typically register three emotions. Shock that someone could do this to you, a nice person and a hard worker. Panic that important people might believe you committed the act in questions. Anger that the reputation you have worked so hard to cultivate has been besmirched. And, if you’re anything like me, you can add a burning desire to exact revenge on this bus-thrower and restore your good name. I suppose there are those serene beings who just shrug and move on. If that is you, move along, nothing to see here.

So, what to do if this happens to you? Some well-meaning people may advise that you take the high road and let your good work speak for itself. Don’t listen to them. You should always defend yourself when you’ve been unfairly accused. Here are some options.

If you are in the room when it happens

Not all bus throwing incidents are clandestine; some particularly brazen co-workers do it right in front of you. The villain is assuming you’ll be too shocked or too scared to defend yourself and you likely will be frozen for a few seconds. Take a breath, stay calm and if you have the courage and feel that you are in a safe space to defend yourself, speak up right then and there. Something along the lines of:

•  “Actually Carol, that isn’t true. While I was part of the team that worked on this, I expressed my concerns early on that things were moving in the wrong direction and it would probably fail.”

• “I’m not sure why you would think that but it’s not true. I met all of my deliverables for the project on time and on budget.”

If you’re not in a safe space, or feel you can’t defend yourself without crying, raising your voice or name-calling, wait until you’ve calmed down and then ask for a few moments with the most important person in the room and say something like:

• “I need to tell you that I was unfairly blamed/criticized/singled out for what went wrong with this project and in fact, I did everything right. I didn’t feel calm enough to speak up at the time but I wanted to make sure that I did now.”

If you’re not there when it happens

This is a bit trickier. You can still defend yourself after the fact but you need to be creative. First of all you have to verify that it actually happened. Do you trust the person who told you? Is there an opportunity to fact-check the accusation with anyone else? In this case, you could ask the person who allegedly threw you under the bus, if you feel comfortable.

 “I heard that you suggested I was responsible for (issue) in a meeting this week and we both know that isn’t true. I’m going to speak to (manager) but thought I would confirm with you that what I heard is true”

If they fess up, or even if they don’t, you can follow up with this:

• “I have been told that I was unfairly blamed for the failure of project X by Simon in a meeting/discussion you were in this week. I felt it was important to tell you that I was unfairly targeted and in fact, I did everything I was supposed to do on the project. I would be happy to show you the results of my work but just wanted to make sure you were aware.”

If you don’t feel comfortable confronting the perpetrator or publicly clearing your name, you still have options. Find every opportunity possible to demonstrate your abilities and professionalism and defend yourself in more casual ways. For example, you could drop the following into workplace conversations:

• “Project X was such a great project, it was really disappointing when it didn’t work it. I guess it goes to show you that even when you do everything right and meet all of your deliverables, things can still go wrong”

I wish I could tell you that this goes away as you move up the ladder but I would be lying. Sadly, people who blame others for their own mistakes exist at all levels of organizations and the third known time I was thrown under the bus happened in the past year. And, for the record, I never did exact my revenge on the agency founder who blamed me so many years ago but he had a public fall from grace much later and I like to think I had something to do with it.